如果.爱

2011-09-22T19:37:00.000+08:00

I am not a true believer in love, sad to say. As Love can be a tricky yet contradicting affair. Perhaps I am a selfish bastard, an egocentric wag or a megalomanic scoundrel. I have no problem in getting the good grasp of what love is, but on the other extremity, it's the tiny stuff that lovers "need" to do that makes me balk in getting into a relationship. I need myself, I need my space and no amount of love, regardless how tolerating the other party is, can give me more freedom than when I am on my own. In fact, no love is selfless, with the exception those endowed by mother, father and siblings.

Of course, I had loved, and I still love my ex (there were a few ex's, but only one worth mentioning here). Somehow, there was a mutual and reciprocal understanding between us in binding me and him together while perserving a good sense of individualism.

Alas, it did NOT last, in the name love. And since then, I seriously find it very difficult to get myself involved emotionally with anyone. The previous one totally sapped my energy and turned my heart into a cold stone, which one can only shatter but not to budge.

For the past few months, I have put too many "IF's" in simulating my next relationship, but in the end, there are only "IF's"

IF, I could do it again......

三毛

2011-09-22T19:35:00.000+08:00

Because of her -三毛, I grew up telling myself:
One day, I will choose to end my life, at a time that I am ready, at a place that I settle down and with a method that I prefer. No, I am not suicidal.

三毛 - <自己>

在我的生活里，
　　我就是主角。
　　对于他人的生活，
　　我们充其量只是一份暗示、一种鼓励、启发、还有真诚的关爱。
　　这些态度，
　　可能因而丰富了他人的生活，但这没有可能发展为
　　——代办他人的生命
　　我们当不起完全为另一个生命而活——即使他人给予这份权利。坚持自己该做的事情，是一种勇气。
　　绝对不做那些良知不允许的事，是另一种勇气。
　　不要害怕拒绝他人，
　　如果自己的理由出于正当。当一个人开口提出要求的时候，他的心里根本预备好了两种答案。所以，
　　给他任何一个其中的答案，都是意料中的。
　　原谅他人的错误，
　　不一定全是美德。
　　漠视自己的错误，
　　倒是一种最不负责的释放。过分为己，
　　是为自私自利。
　　完全舍我，
　　也是虐待了一个生灵——自己。自怜、自恋、自苦、自负、自轻、自弃、自伤、自恨、自利、自私、自顾、自反、自欺加自杀，都是因为自己。
　　自用、自在、自行、自助、自足、自信、自律、自爱、自得、自觉、自新、自卫、自由和自然，也都仍是出于自己。
　　自己是什么？
　　自己是谁？
　　自己是自己的吗？

在我的生活里，我就是主角

如果.爱

三毛